It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
