Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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