my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
