his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
