Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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