after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
