My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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