You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
