Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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