I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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