I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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