I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
