I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
