My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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