I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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