I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
