I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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