I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
