yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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