I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
smell my finger.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
