with your own penis?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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