im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
