i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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