Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
