im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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