Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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