Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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