My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
