No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
