My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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