Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
