Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
