last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
