Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
