you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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