I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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