I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you never un-have a 4some
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
