Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
