"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
