What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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