true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
