I could have mohawked her pubes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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