He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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