It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
