I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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