We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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