I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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