WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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