if only i could text you this smell
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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