I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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