She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
