so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think your dad took our porno
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There's even glitter on my cock...
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