I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
