I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
