Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
