im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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