just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize