FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
