I look better un-naked...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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