No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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