i just wanna soil my oats bro
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
