I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
