I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So much Jack, so little girl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
