What a fucking waste of an outfit
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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