Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How does one acquire holy water?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
