How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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