I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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