You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
